Soul Tie or Unhealthy Sexual Connection
I had finally made it to my bedroom after a long ass day of work, work, and more work. I felt tired but accomplished as I peeled off all of my clothes while the shower warmed up for me. I felt even better after I showered and slipped into my comfortable bed.
I reached over to put my phone on the charger located on my nightstand and was met with the light from my phone screen illuminated brightly the current time:
"2:22" it said.
"Hmmm.", I said orienting myself to the present energy. Something that I always do when I notice angel numbers. 222 represents your ancestors and spirit guides advocating on your behalf with the universe to make great things happen. I've been seeing this number exclusively for the past few months, especially as I have began to really sort out and heal the way I have connected with men all of my life.
I keep receiving messages and getting readings of a divine masculine connection. Something real and pure. Something unlike what I've experienced before. At first I was skeptical about it but the more I healed and accepted vulnerability as apart of my femininity, I began believing it. Not only believing it but also manifesting it.
With the understanding that something amazing is about to unravel for me coupled with my responsibility to make room and peace for it, I have been very protective of myself. I've also been anal about who I allow to even converse with me and exchange my vocal energy. I have absolutely no interest in rekindling romance from fuckboys past and I'm just on an entire different echelon when it comes to men who cannot reciprocate and give me what I desire.
Interestingly, I have experienced a throng of exes and old love interests hit my lines and I have been so uninterested and nonchalant that I never even responded to the texts/DMs/emails/comments under my pics etc. They aren't even deserving of a response that I am not interested. That is how forward focused I am. I have no time for old shit that ain't going nowhere. I don't have that type of time.
My phone lit up again as if to bring me back to the message. I glanced down at my phone and scanned the screen. Then it hit me.
The date was May 2nd. The day after the birthday of a soul tie that drug my ass to hell and back. Dealing with this dude was like being on a repeat emotional rollercoaster with an emotionless machine. He loved the idea of having me and admired me tremendously, but his insecurities made him doubt himself and expect me to jump through hoops to soothe them. I was crazy about the kid (something that is hard for Virgos to admit) but no matter what I did, shit wasn't good enough. Then he thought it was cool to fuck off on other women while dying a million deaths if he heard about me going to the movies with another man.
You know how that shit goes.
Whenever I'd voice my feelings to him, he'd shut down and turn cold. Then I'd get sick of his shit and dip out. He'd give me time to cool off and hit me up like nothing. I'd fuss. He'd apologize for being an asshole and promise to do better. Then the next thing I know, I'd be on my back raking my fingers through his curly hair as his meticulously slurped my pussy just as he knew I liked it.
Omg.
The sex was what it was. From the first time. I was hooked. He was hooked. And it just got better. Especially after our breaks away from each other. It was like he had a secret manual to how each bell and whistle of my body worked and his ass had no problem putting it to use AND talking shit at the same time. You ever fuck with a nigga who KNEW your body. Like his body had it's only relationship with your body and when you linked, they just took over and did their thing. Sex with him was like a drug...a sensual one. I think that's what made us attach to each other the way we did because through sex was the only way we finally spoke each other's language. I was submissive and sweet. He was tender and protective. Intimacy was the only time our demons went out on a play date together and allowed us to lower our guards for each other.
Looking back on it, I think this scared him. He wasn't used to someone fiery like me and while he loved it about me, he wasn't sure where he fit. So he picked shit with me to reassure him when he could have just communicated. Like most good things, he fucked it up permanently. Pushed me to the point of no return. His messages no longer have any power over me and I've reached my spiritual mountain of what is "good dick" if it's attached to an emotionally unavailable man who doesn't respect me...or himself?
Like clockwork, he began hitting me up on my business IG late last year (after I blocked him for the last time last fall) with the small talk. In the past, I'd answer and tell him to leave me alone which would only fuel the fire. This time I don't say shit. Either you goin buy some smudge or you goin get the fawk out of Black Sauce's DMs heaux. Any attention is attention to some men and he is certainly one of them.
When he saw that I wasn't answering his DMs, I started getting this weird Unknown and random numbers calling me. This was another one of his tactics. I'd block him and he'd call me from random Google numbers until he got through. However again, this time I wasn't with the shits. I watched them bitches ring and would go right back to what the fawk I was doing. The more time went on and I healed, the less I thought of him, and the less I had a desire to be with him intimately. In fact, the thought of entertaining an emotionally unavailable man today makes my stomach turn. Them type of niggas ain't worthy of this emotional as fawk pussy and I am literally standing on that shit.
His birthday is May 1 and as stubborn as his raggedy Taurus ass was, he could always get me talking back to him by his birthday. That was some sort of pride shit for him.
But not this year heaux.
Not only did I make through last year and this year so far without connecting with him, I also have no desire to. Fuck him and fuck his birthday. Those are the only fucks he is going to get from me moving forward. The ancestors coming through with the notification to both congratulate me and remind me that they are working on bringing a much more cosmically aligned man into my life for my hard work just hit different for me. It made me smile when I made the connection finally. They are conspiring with the universe to send me my true life partner. My true soul mate. My true soul tie. I was being tested to see if I was really ready to make space for my divine person..and I had passed.
Then I thought even further and with hindsight I ask: Was it really a SOUL mate or an unhealthy connection held together with great sex? Every time I hear a story about a soul tie, it is almost never positive. It's always some knock down, drag out story about how a heaux got out of a union with just the clothes on her fawking back. That's not a soul tie to me...unless there's some toxicity in your soul that is wishing to merge with the toxicity of someone else's.
That's exactly what we will be exploring this week. I hope you all are readyyyyyyy.