The ADA Compliant Guide to Riding Daaaack

Now lewk. Not only I am a baby jaguar of a particular age, but I'm also an Army vet with service connected disabilities…& the most profound is these knees. Couple that with childhood Osteochondroma of these same damn knees and my 20s spent pop locking and dropping it on everythaaang from international dance floors to international (but of the African diaspora exclusively) daaaaacks, baby its clear to see that life for me ain't been no crystal stair chile. But NONE of the aformentioned will ever stop this pwussy from tap dancing on somebody's son (or favah at this point) daaaaack.

Oh no baby, that ain't the life my women ancestors want for me. I don't receive that.

So many times, I see some of my sisters throwing in the towel for their pwussy by thinking that their glory days of riding the RodeHeaux are over and I am here to help turn back the hands of time and mobility with them knees so that you can continue on as the Black Beauty you were sent here to be. Again, I am a woman who is getting older ( I am a very tender age of 36. You see the material) but I am not accepting defeat nor am I accepting of affording myself subpar sexual experiences. Plus I have a slight fetish for gently squeezing a man's neck while I lower this pwussy on his daaaack and watch in absolute glee how I am literally taking his breath away.

As such, I have comprised an ADA Compliant pamphlet to speak to both the maturing sister or the sister with disabilites that don't have to disable how she rides the daaaack. Sisters, you gotta show these niggas that you put the D in that SSDI check! Mmmnkay??

I strongly believe that everyone can ride a daaaack. My senior heauxs can also get in on this. Think of it as your seniors discount. Now let's dig into this shit shall we? Summer is halfway over and new daaack awaits.

Watch What You Eat Before You Plan to Spinnanight Spinning on the Daaaaaaack!

As we get older, our bodies change. Our bodies reactions to shit changes. This is especially true if we are not indulging in eating habits that are conducive to a healthy lifestyle. I'll tell you this: I feel like shit when I eat like shit. i'm sluggish. I'm lethargic. I'm unable to perform how I want. You also don't feel sexy with a stomach full of toxic shit and you can't push through that. I remember busting down a porterhouse steak, loaded baked potato, and like three dranks on a date with an ex one time. Them dranks had me ready to snatch his soul and every nigga in his bloodline's. However, when we got back to his place, I just wanted to take a fucking nap. Even when I tried to climb on top of him, my fat ass slid right off because that food was sitting in my stomach like a wrecking ball.

On the contrary, you must fuel up on (good) food before you fill up on daaack. You perform better. Trust me. Sex is a strenuous activity-even if you are just laying there. Ew, who raised you though? Anyhoo, just like you can't expect to make great strides before a physical fitness, you can't expect the same when you don't properly nourish the rest of your body that is attached to your pwussy before sex.

Stretch Before Stretching That Pwussy On A Daaaaaack!

Again, sex is a physical activity. Especially if you're with a partner who loves to stretch you out. Being limber, loose, and ready racks up cool points not only in the bedroom during your romp but also in your recovery after you bust your nut(s). I can't tell you how many of my girlfriends complain about being sore after sex-particularly good sex. In fact, it is during these times that their asses realize how out of shape they are.

I love me a good groin stretch, quad stretch, hamstring stretch as well as calf stretch. these are the main muscles you will be leaning on so it's always great to keep them limber, loose, and ready for action. Stretch also allows you to be folded like a pretzel and engage in more positions than you were before. Actually, stretching allows me to visualize new positions I want to try.

Stretch before AND after sex. The before is for preparation and the after is for recovery. Keep these two things uppermost in your mind and you will never lose.

Lower Body Exercises Are Your FRIEND

I absolutely love leg and ass day at the gym. Not only does it afford me a space to keep these legs, thighs, and wagon I got dragging behind me in tip top shape, it also defines my body and gives me the extra confidence I need to mount up on a daaaack. Most importantly, lower body weight lifting assists in building my endurance so I ain't riding for 20 seconds top before falling over.

Think about it. When people have to undergo physical therapy after an injury to build their strength, they are are put on weights to assist. This is all literally by design. In order to strengthen something or someone, you have to build up the endurance.

You don't have to lift heavy and for fawks sake, please do not worry about getting big. You'd have to be out here taking extreme hormonal treatment (testosterone) and lifting ridiculously heavy and long. This is for endurance-not to fawking fight Apollo Creed.

Nothing makes me more sad than to see a sister talk herself out of having an amazon body with matching endurance...because she is afraid of her own body and foolishly feels she will get too bulky. Get that thought out of your head. Weights actually adds curves and in a natural way. Its your best friend both in and out of the bedroom-and both on and off the daaaack.

Cardio Is Also Your Friend

Riding daaaaaack out of breath is NOT sexy. That man goin call you an EMT and get thee fawk out of dodge. I think a lot of women may be embarrassed by this as they feel daaaaack riding highlights the fact that they are out of shape and short winded-so they elect to refrain from doing it.

Bihhhhh is you serious???

Ok so you are out of shape and short winded. Does that mean that you have to STAY out of shape and short winded? Does this mean that you have to continue stifling yourself from amazing experiences and daaaaaack riding opportunities??? You know you can do something about that right?? It can be as simple as a 20 minute brisk walk around your neighborhood listening to your top 5 Meg Thee Stallion (or who thee fawk ever) songs to pump you and your pwussy power up the entire way.

Come on ladies, get out of your own way bew. Push yourself. Even when you get tired on the daaack. Go another 30 seconds. Go another minute. You can even use sex as your workout session. I'll gladly skip a leg day at the gym to go chinese split on a nigga's daaaack. I've also found that the workout and results are much better too.

Know YOUR Limits

No one knows your body like you so no one know's your body's limits but you. Don't be letting these niggas be out here violating your body's autonomy. Don't allow yourself or anyone else the license to push you past your comfort zone or or your body's limit. YOU are the only one who will have to endure the subsequent recovery. Give your all on the daaaack, yes. But you also gotta know when to hold em and know when to fold em bew.

Trust me, you'll live to ride another daaaack another day.

Supplements, Tinctures, and Whatnot.

As we get older, we begin losing a lot of shit we took for granted. But these things aren't lost forever. These things can be recovered or restored to at least a percentage of their old glory. There are all types of shit out here that will help assist with bone cartilage, joint health, & energy.

Faithfully, each morning, I take my "Over 30" cocktail that is inclusive of herbs and supplements that assist in my physical fitness and endurance. Like I said, I have disabilities myself, plus asthma. However, I've never allowed this to hinder me or cut down on my quality of daaaaack experience. Oh absolutely not. I've said this a million times before: as a Black woman, Imma need alllllll of my orgasms. Give em here.

Oscal, Fish Oil, and Collagen are the base. I also take a daily multivitamin to provide my body with all of the nutrients that I may have fallen short on providing during the day. Life period hits different when you properly take care of yourself.

Get You A Daaaaaaack Sidekick For Practice

Everyone from sex novelty stores to Amazon Prime sells daaaack dildos with the suction on the back ready to be suctioned on any surface to allow you all the practice in riding that you'll ever need. Baby, you can stick them heaux against the wall in the shower, in the middle of your floor, or even the headboard and go to town. Because it's only you and your toy, you'll learn and become more comfortable with riding. You'll also be able to figure out what works for YOU and your current level of prowess, and what will make you live up to your own riding potential. With the toy, you can brainstorm and practice different ways to ride and curate your own personalized techniques. Afterall, it will be YOU doing the work right?

Chairs & Sofas Are Your Friend.

Personally, I hate riding daaaaaack on a bed. That's direct pressha on the knees and can be a bit uncomfortable. Plus, I don't need the nigga hearing my knees popping over my 90s R& B Pandora station. Hell ass no.

Chairs and sofas werk like a pro for me. I can rest my knees against the back of the chair while I ride or I can put my feet on the floor and use the floor for stability as I bang out figure 8s on the daaack. With arm chairs, you also have the stability of the arms of the chair/sofa to assist with your thrusts-especially when you begin to grow weary.

You can also do this on a bed with the headboard (yall heauxs better have a headboard in these streets!). Hold on to the headboard as you ride to give you more stability for traction or support when you are tired. Utilize your resources heaux!

Eye of the Tiger

Ok now. You can't do all of the aforementioned without confidence. Don't sell yourself short or sabotage yourself. You won't become a rhinestone cowgirl overnight but if you keep at it, believe in yourself, and NOT cheat yourself or your body-the shit will pay off right on time.

You got this bew.