It's certainly climbing the ranks of interest in the past few years. I'm finding that more and more people are interested in giving it a try-but they are a bit apprehensive on presentation and preparation. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC), assert that anal sex is primarily growing in popularity amongst people under age 45. In another national survey, it was found that 36% of women and 44% of men reported that they’ve had anal sex with an opposite-sex partner. Oh baby, it's been going down and it is my professional opinion that these numbers will rise higher. It is also my professional duty and hope that as these numbers grow, the proper education and comprehension of the act will also grow so that experiences are positive (even if you decide that it ain't your thing after trying) and not traumatic. Don't we have enough fucking trauma to recover from? Let's not let another pain in the ass be one.
This week, I will be providing content on all of the above.
Oh, Nik's got your ass covered...literally.
Without holding your hand and giving you an elementary understanding of anal, I want to give a brief overview on the world of anal sex to start the party off right.
Anal sex is the penetration of the anus during intimacy. Penetration does not necissarily have to be made utilizing a penis. No, my child. The anus can also be penetrated utilizing fingers (we call this "digital penetration"), the tongue (commonly referred to as "eating the booty like groceries" and/or "tossing salad"....chile), and toys such as dildos, vibrators, butt plugs etc.
Before we go any further, can we just say that if you are going to do anal, one thing that must be paramount in the process is Patience. Do not skip your raggedy ass (cause that's what it's going to be later on if you don't listen to sis) in that room and be careless. For my fellas listening or even my sisters who love to get the strap ( no lecheminduroi), you cannot conduct yourself like you are living la vida loca on Rikers Island. I repeat: you cannot! You will not be granted access again and you will also give the poor soul a traumatic complex that they may never overcome from. Ain't shit cool about that and it's very insensitive, bullish, and disrepectful.
That ain't what hedonism is about. Sexual autonomy must reign supreme with both parties. Especially if you trying to get the ass again bew.
But I digress.
Let's jump right on in this topic, shall we?
So the biggest difference between pussy and the anus (the orifice of your ass that the daaaack, toy, fingers etc. enter during anal sex) is lubrication, nerve endings, and tissue. Unlike the vagina which can become wet (lubricated) when stimulated or once a woman becomes horny-the anus cannot. Nope, you won't get wet. You can't brag about having that "wet wet". You love will not come down.
The anus does not provide it's own lubricant for sex like the vagina. As such, YOU will need to provide it for the best results. It would behoove you to invest in some great lubricant-cause again, you're gonna need it). Failure to do so can result in anal tears, hemorrhoids, pain, and bleeding. Again, the anus is very sensitive and is comprised of very sensitive tissues. It does not effortless and functionally make way for 10 pound babies or 10 pound daaaacks. You MUST proceed with caution and treat this shit with respect. Especially if you are the one on the receiving end because YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE ONE RECEIVING THE PAIN & SUBSEQUENT RECOVERY.
Speaking of the true sensitivity of the anus, the tissue and skin around the anus acts as a protective barrier for the bottom half of your digestive tract. On the contrary, the tissue that resides inside is delicate, thinner, and more likely to tear/bleed as a result of penetration-particularly rigorous penetration. This increases the likelihood of passing infections, viruses, or bacteria between partners. Infections aren't the only thing that you can pass via anal sex. Bacteria living in or near the anus can be easily spread if you don’t take precautions to clean up during and after anal penetration. You can also pass fecal matter, blood, and other bodily fluids during the commission of anal sex. Bacteria, such as hepatitis A and E. coli, can be spread from unclean anal sex practices. Please be sure to wear condoms and wash hands/daaaaacks/toys etc. Make sure your partner's nails are neatly trimmed as well. Especially if they will be digitally penetrating you. You don't want to get cut or knicked. I will be releasing another blogpost later on this week on hygiene and properly preparing for anal sex. This is not something to go into cavalier and nonchalant about. This is your health we are talking about.
Play with it if you want to.
But what about comfortability sis?
So, just as the vagina has muscles (commonly referred to as "walls") that need to relax to properly accommodate penetration....the anus does too bew. It is called the anal sphincter, and it protects the rectum by acting as it's security guard for the fawk shit (I literally "crack" myself up writing this shit) during anal sex. Yet, even with this top flight security, it is still essential that this muscle relaxes. Not only will it make your experience more pleasurable and less Scared Straight, it also reduces the risk of tearing or discomfort.
I know that some of y'all are like: "How heaux? HOW???"
Heifer, I never said the road would be easy. Never. You gotta have true grit for this shit. It ain't for everybody. I will be the first to say that it doesn't rank high on my list of getting my soul snatched. Actually, we really don't have to do the shit at all. Particularly since I love a daaaaack of a certain measure (read: BIG) so I can't be playing these types of reindeer games with my ass.
BUT, I would be lying if I said that I have never enjoyed it when experienced. One of the reasons I can say this is I always knew that relaxation was a huge chunk of the feat. Relaxation involves patience, both at the time you’re attempting penetration, and as you become more accustomed to anal sex. Your partner also needs to be patient. Especially if they are the one doing the inserting and NOT on the receiving end. If your partner lacks empathy, sympathy, common fucking sense (oop, another pun!), and respect for you and your comfort level; get the fuck up, put them fucking clothes on, and call it a fawking night.
Do not allow anyone to coerce you or continue and it hurts. Seriously. And don't allow anyone to make you feel like a punk for not being able to continue on. I have been known to ask men: "Let me shove a dildo up YOUR ass and tell you to relax YOUR fucking muscles! Let's see how YOU can take a daaaack!"
Ion play that shit. Neither should you. Always advocate for your comfort and your pleasure. That's YOUR time and YOUR experience too.
As this is new (or revisited) territory for you, you'll have to figure out what works for you and what makes this the best experience. I learned early (I think I was about 17 or 18) that I best enjoy anal sex while lying on my back. I absolutely refuse to do the shit on my knees. Absolutely refuse. It gives me prison vibes and how the fawk can you relax while on your hands and (now bum) knees holding up the weight of nigga while simultaneously taking daaaaaack in the ass???
I can multitask and all but that's for everyday life shit. Not this shit.
Laying on my back also assists with providing an extra layer of intimacy. Your partner can coax you through it. You get eye contact while you are speaking back to them. They can stroke your face and kiss you as they stroke you. They can tease your nipples and reach down to stroke your clit as they stroke you. As I write this, I realize that my experience with anal sex has been more on a spectrum of intimacy. I am cared for more gingerly and tenderly. One of the reasons why I can't watch anal porn is that shit be looking like a heaux down shoot out at the OK Corral.
Hard. Brutal. Dick slamming in and out. As an empath. my ass me balling up and fake tearing while watching the shit. It's a No for me. But if you are the type who likes this methodology of anal sex, do you bew. I'm here to hold you and your ass up regardless.
In spirit though. NOT in flesh.
Now gone head out there and get your heaux life!
Cover photo credit: