Spring is finally here!
We can finally begin chucking the deuces to cold weather, long ass night, seasonal depression, and any residual dead leaves that we should have shed during Fall but somehow managed to drag into winter.
However, the beauty of divine timing is: it will MAKE the time to carry out the shit you fail to find the time to complete. A lot of times when it gets to this point, it has to create a point of no return. Sometimes shit pops off so out of left field and folk seem to really hurt you. Either way, a break results and you are finally removed from the energies that cannot go into this new season of abundance with you.
While doing the general readings for the collectives and even speaking to a lot of friends/loved ones, there seems to be a mass exodus of people, places, and things being removed from our lives. We are experiencing detachments and severing of ties. While this may be for our highest good, it still doesn’t take the sting out of experiencing it.
In addition to this, familiarity is comfort. Believe it or not, a lot of people will stay in situations and with people not for their highest good (and they know it) due to them being comfortable with their evil. This is particularly true if they have been conditioned to be accepting of fucked up behavior. No one talks about the road from leaving connections that no longer serve us to create space for things that do-and without self sabotage.
Well we goin discuss that shit today. Spring is here and I need y’all ready and spruced up to receive all of the abundance meant for you. But first you gotta let go of the shit that weighing you down. Let’s chat about tips to help you get over a break up.
1. It’s a loss. It’s totally fine to treat it as such.
A loss is a loss. Especially a loss without an actual death. When navigating through a breakup, in essence you are releasing someone you care for deeply and detaching from the idea of a future you once envisioned. In a flash, you transition from being used to someone’s energy in your daily routine to missing them suddenly and experiencing pangs of grief and sadness over this loss.
There is no way around this. You must allow yourself to face this grief and allow it space to allow its storm to pass. Ignoring, suppressing, and lying to yourself about your feelings and the vulnerability that comes from it, does nothing but set you back. It presses Pause on your growth and also makes the universe withhold blessings as you aren’t moving from a space where you can begin to receive them.
So cry. Scream. Speak out your feelings. Get that shit out of you. Allow yourself to release any and all energy that relates to this connection you are attempting to get over. But don’t just dwell on the pain. Take time to remember the good times, accept and celebrate them for what they were, and allow yourself to cry over it all.
2. Don’t blame yourself (unless your ass is to blame).
The first thing that many of us do after a break up is tear ourselves down and obsess over what we did wrong and how we could have stopped this from having. This is usually an after effect of the shock and is typically our attempt to gain control back from a plight that we feel we are losing our grasp on.
Baby if you don’t stop all of that foolishness and let that shit go.
Breakups aren’t always about “right and wrong”. Sometimes it’s about cycles closing and chapters beginning. However, it’s easy to get caught up into the trap of seeing your breaking as a “failure”. Maybe even a bad person who can‘t successfully keep a relationship.
It’s normal to feel guilty or angry but you must also understand that neither of you were perfect. If you broke up with them, or they broke up with you, you need to comprehend that despite the reasons you may list, what ultimately leads to a breakup is incompatibility-and THAT’S all that matters bew.
3. Switch shit up and get a new routine
You’re a new person in a new chapter. With this being said, it’s time for some new shit. New moves will also assist you with breaking up the monotony of your old life with your old bew.
This doesn’t mean packing your shit and moving to a remote village overseas up and contrary to popular belief, a drastic haircut won’t cure your heartache. However, a good red hair color change never hurt nobody 😉
Instead, making subtle yet effective changes to your routine and environment can offer fresh perspective. Start small so that you don’t overwhelm yourself or feel artificial. For example, don’t frequent the places you used to go together—like restaurants, parks, or watering holes. Take a different route, try different experiences, create a new lifestyle. Not only is it fun and refreshing but it also put you on to new experiences and people that you may not have come in contact with had you still been in your relationship.
4. This ain’t the time to “stay in touch”
Newsflash baby: you are going through a break up-not the end of fawking band camp. This is a break up and the only way to get started on your Move On is to move away so that you can start building your emotional and mental toughness needed to heal. You ain’t gonna accomplish this while still up in your ex’s face.
Continuing to reach out usually only leads to more hurt and emotional confusion.The more distance you can create between you and your ex, the quicker you will be on your road to recovery.
This also applies to following them on social media still (especially if you know your ass can’t handle *right now* the sight of their single life and eventually their next relationshi). You can’t move on while following your ex’s every post on social media. You also can’t watch their Instagram stories and not feel a tug at your heart strings.
Delete all that shit. Even if it’s just for now. Delete that number too so you aren’t tempted to text when you’re tipsy or in a particularly low moment.
5. Glow up
This is your time to direct all of your time and attention to YOU. All the shit you’ve ever wanted to do, DO IT. Especially the shit you wanted to do while in your relationship. Has there been an art class that you’ve always wanted to take? A solo outing that’s been on your bucket list forever? GO 👏🏾
Be careful not to overload on this because you don‘t want to teeter to the side of avoidant behavior where you have no energy to emotionally heal from this breakup. So go ahead and fill that calendar with trips, outings, classes, time with the girls/guys etc.
6. Reflect and learn the Lesson.
All connections (good or bad) teach us something. Each person we meet has something to teach us. Reflecting allows us time to revisit the lesson. Assess (not obsess!) over what areas went wrong? What did it teach you about what you want, and what doesn’t work for you? How can you be a better person and partner going forward?
Doing this prevents you from backtracking and romanticizing a couplehood that simply fizzled out or wasn’t healthy. Nik said “reflect”, not romanticize bullshit. Apples and oranges bew.
Keep reminding yourself of why you’re not together and you’ll start to be turned off by the idea of rekindling. Especially as you grow and get mentally and emotionally stronger. Particularly when you begin to realize your worth and that price goes up. It may even be helpful to keep track of all the reasons it didn’t work by writing them down and carrying that list around with you to look at when you inevitably start to miss him or her.
7. Don’t expect your ex to give you Closure
Yall already know how I feel about this but here I go back into this street to beat this dead horse.
Depending on an outside entity to provide you with closure not only takes your power away but also self-sabotages an opportunity to have full autonomy over your own healing. Not to mention, so many people look at a closure talk as a second chance to press reset on the dead relationship. Some even romanticize it into a fairytale where the other person miraculously admits their wrongs, takes all fault, and becomes the perfect partner moving forward.
Closure requires transparency, full accountability, active listening, and truthful answers to your questions about what happened in an effort to understand why. However, when you’re going through a heartache, it’s tough to get in that mental space and the emotional waters are still deep, murky, and turbulent. Following a break up, both of you are upset, hurt, and guilty, and probably won't be telling the truth, even if you understand it. Moreover, chances are that neither of you really wants to hear the truth this soon. A lot of times, closure talks do nothing but pour salt on your wound and prolong your healing process.
And we ain’t even goin talk about what sleeping with them again after the breakup does to both your psyche and your healing process.
7. Seek help.
Breakups require a village. Both in your personal life and professionally. You’ll need the support of loved ones and it would also be a great idea of you enlisted the help of a mental health professional who is trained to help you navigate through these tough times. This is especially true if your breakup was/is tumultuous or painful.
Please do NOT suffer in silence and withdraw within yourself. While it’s understandable to want to be alone in the beginning, it’s not always wise to stay alone. Support and love is the name of the game bew. Don’t push your friends and loved ones away. When they offer to come over with a bottle of something strong and something delicious, let them. When they beg you to come out for drinks and laughs on a Friday night, go. And when they don’t mind hearing you vent for a few hours, thank them after.
Please accept help! It can come in different ways, and from unexpected people, but that person can help you cross that bridge you’re so afraid of. Good intentioned, high level energy people work as batteries to help us recharge and rejolt us back to life. Counter the ending of one connection with the beautiful experiences of hanging with the magnetic connections you still have.
Breaking up is a normal growing pain that follows us in adulthood. While sad and even heartbreaking, they are still recoverable and are here to teach us something as we level up and ascend. Understand and respect cycle changes/endings. Also believe in new beginnings. Respecting the ebb and flow of life as well as your ancestors wish to give you someone more aligned with your walk, will make this a lot more easier to navigate.
You’ve got this bew ♥️