One of the things I’m noticing about myself is I smile a lot now. I mean a whole lot. I laugh too and not the controlled type of laughter. I mean the giggly and sometimes uncontrollable laughter.
I look at the fun in things. I love having fun doing things. I allow myself time to AUTHENTICALLY enjoy myself and really allow myself space to play. No more poised Virgo posture. No more always serious demeanor. I literally whisper to myself: “Get your ass out there and laugh Nichole. Get your ass out there and lose control!”.
I can admit that initially this was terrifying. Especially to someone who had to learn how to gain and maintain rigid self-control as well as deep maturity from a young age. But this made me realize just how captive, depressed, and unfairly oppressed my inner child has been all these years. I literally had a fear of having too much fun. Whenever I would be presented with opportunities to have unbridled fun (that wasn’t attached to work or my brands), I would balk at that shit, and subconsciously tell myself (my inner child) that we had better shit to do. Better shit was typically Type A grown up work that stifled and oppressed my inner child even further.
It be your own damn Self sometimes 😒
About two years ago, I got tired of always being the responsible, organize, mature, and sophisticated one. I also realized how silly and unfair those coveted childhood “compliments” were to me growing up. As a child, I didn’t need to be any of that shit. My only responsibility should have been to be simply a child. Digging deeper, I realized that I’ve never really allowed myself to just Be. To just flow. To just have fun.
Although I was denied a childhood where my inner child could thrive, I also took over those oppressive reigns once I became an adult and oppressed my inner child even harder based off of the beliefs instilled in me as a child.
And by 2020, my inner child had enough and was internally throwing tantrums. Fortunately for me, I was moving into a space of SELFishness and my agreement with self to do whatever thee fawk April Nichole wanted to do for the first time in my damn life. My inner child was included in this peace treaty with Self. For the first time in my life, I wanted to do things that didn’t benefit anyone but myself.
FUN was the first thing on the menu. Actually therapy was but you get the gist 😬
My inner child work included setting corner boundaries, removing myself from the back burner of life, revamping my childhood loves (heyyyyyy plants, travel, coloring books, & physical fitness), and indulging in frivolous shit just because I desired it. I allowed myself space to explore and seek pleasure freely. I allowed myself space to have fun freely.
I became my inner child’s BFF. I became her sound parent. I became her protector. I became her hero. I became her confidant. I became her biggest supporter and advocate.
I became all of the things she didn’t have when I was growing up. And babyyyyyy we are thrivinggggggggg!
As I do this more, I notice how much more lighter I feel. How I smile more. How more in tune I am with my gifts and talents. How much more I tap into these gifts to bring me my birthright abundance. How shit doesn’t really bother me. I also notice how I attract a different type of energy to me now. I even have this gift where I can connect with the inner children of my friends and suitors during our many exchanges which is like granting Little Nikkie unlimited play dates.
The returns have been insurmountable and life changing. Healing my inner child gave me my childhood back. It gave me ME back. My photographer took an off guard photo of me over the weekend where I was laughing at something and for the first time since I was an itty bitty thing, I saw ALL of my dimples showing up in the pic. This was mindblowing because (a) I rarely smiled growing up and (b) I had gotten so used to my Mona Lisa smirk/smile that I didn’t realize that it wasn’t allowing my full dimples (the deep ones!) to come out and play too.
Chile, I was out here doing my girl so wrong. But no more! We are litty lit and I LOVE it here!
Inner child work is something I stress 24/7. It’s your foundation and literally your happy place. I don’t care how successful you are or what you (think you) have under control. If your inner child is imprisoned, it’s only a matter of time before s/he picks that lock and pops out on your ass in full tantrum mode because the wait in the dark has become to unbearable.
I encourage you all to tap in and heal your inner child. Need more information? Not sure where to start? Fret not bew, check out this dope article I found that does an amazing job with further insight & tips. Also don’t be a stranger in these comments if you need an extra push.
Happy Play Time!