© 2018 by a. Nichole Inc.

Friend with NO Benefits


So he says he’s not ready for a relationship right? He’s telling you some shit about finances not being right, he’s not where he wants to be in life, and he’s not ready for a relationship. He expects you to understand that he needs time and you two are not ready for anything official. He also expects that while he’s out here on his Donnell Jones “Where I Wanna Be” tour; you will be ok with giving him all of the benefits that are correlated to a relationship. He doesn’t want you dating anyone else, he wants to suck up all of your free time, he wants you to share your body with just him, and all of your devotion and dedicated coupled with supreme understanding of his “situation” and acceptance that this is a one way street. Then the next thing you know, you’re dealing with his three kids in your home and screaming that love is so blind because it feels right when it’s so wrong and you want to know how you got here.


Well I’m going to tell you where you fawked up sis: you lost the second you allowed him to serve you his entitled egotistical one-sided sales pitch on a tarnished platter garnished with piles of bullshit. Now you’re his “friend” but you actually have no benefits. Perhaps you’re psyching yourself out that this is ok for now and he will come around when he gets himself together. Perhaps your psyching yourself into thinking that eventually he will tell you all the things you want to hear, recognize your allegiance in being there while he works on himself, and snag you into committed bliss. I’m here to tell you that you are playing yourself. He’s already told you where he is with you as well as this situationshit (yes, you read that right) and you are about to take yourself on a ride that your brakes are not equipped for.


While its understanding that people go through things and aren’t in the best position to dedicate themselves fully to a relationship, it is NOT understanding for that same person to demand committed behavior from another person and use their situation as a bargaining tool to get sympathy on their entitled and selfish viewpoints. Moreover, I’m willing to bet you that he’s out here slinging dick to other women and having the time of his life (and probably has them under the same Friends With NO Benefits contract as you) with a cool conscious as he doesn’t have to be held accountable for his actions as he has already told you (and whoever else) what “it” is. Meanwhile you’re allowing him to steal your free time that you can be using to meet someone who is ready, worthy, and deserving of your love while he rocks you to sleep in his home on Dead End road. Now you’re feeling depressed, driving your friends up a wall with your complaints, and listening to the Keyshia Cole station on Pandora wondering how you got here.


I understand the whole culture of friends with benefits but take a second to see who the real beneficiary is here. Newsflash: it isn’t you.  Because while you’re getting the benefit of dick on demand with no strings attached (although you want them strings to be all the way attached), he is getting the benefit of having you as his unofficial girlfriend on official girlfriend duty. You are locked down and unavailable to other potential suitors all because you bought his sales pitch about being unavailable due to his life’s circumstances. Nothing ever comes to anyone on a one way street when they are facing the opposite direction of traffic’s flow. In fact, you are increasing your chances of having an accident. If he is going through some shit right now that he is claiming needs his undivided time and priority; he shouldn’t be dating. Point blank period. He should be using this time to get his shit together. Furthermore, if he’s going through so much, he shouldn’t have any expectations of you and how you do YOU. Homeboy shouldn’t even have a leg to stand on when it comes to you because he is not paying the cost to be the boss. You are simply allowing him to serve as a barrier on your road to moving the fawk on. Reciprocity is the key word in this and he is not giving you such so you shouldn’t be obligated to commit to just him. It’s best to send him on his way and move on. If you don’t want to, I would suggest enforcing some real boundaries to keep him in his place. However, I don’t know how that will work for you as he has already shown you what time it is with him and how he views the value you bring to his life.  Go ahead and free yourself.




  • Black Sauce Podcast
  • a. Nichole
  • Nikkie's Thoughts
  • Nikkie's Thoughts